I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
