LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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