I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
