I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
