I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
