when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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