How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize