I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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