He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize