yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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