saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
