me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
