have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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