By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
