Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize