I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
