I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i barfeds in our rink
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
