You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
