WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
