i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
two words...techno handjob
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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