i just had sex bonerless
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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