Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
