I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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