I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
