he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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