I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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