So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
