What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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