no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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