He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
