did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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