Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
