I want to have your abortion
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
