I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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