You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
