I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Randomize
