Someone shit on the floor
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
