you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize