I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
