We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
