so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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