when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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