I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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