Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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