masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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