1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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