took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize