why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
