Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
