He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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