yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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