i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
