At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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