I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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