everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
