I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
