I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
