oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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