The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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