Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize