I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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