My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize