someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
