You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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