airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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