God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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