i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
please come you make the beer taste better
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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