There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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