Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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