before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
