in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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