I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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