Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
