its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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