i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
