Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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