just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
