When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
