please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
