just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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