Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
