I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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