youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
