YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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