I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
