Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
