i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
