I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
