shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
