whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
