KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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