I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize