I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
