would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
