I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A bitchslap is in order.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
