He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize