The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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