Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
