My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
