Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
