Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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