the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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