she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize