dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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